My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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