Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
