Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
