I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Alive.
So much puke
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
