Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
