Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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