what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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