I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
