Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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