I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
