idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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