i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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