The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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