please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
