so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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