Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
