what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
