Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
