addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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