He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
