how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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