I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
