And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
