You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
As shirtless as possible
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
