How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
