covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
