Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
