My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
