Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm always down for nudity.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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