Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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