Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
