so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
