Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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