It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
