the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
