My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
