Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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