I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
