Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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