Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
