Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
