Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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