took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Houston, we have a blender
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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