Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
