I wish my penis had an off switch
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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