My friends, they love my intelligence
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
