I am puke
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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