somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
