Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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