Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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