you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
